Chop Wood, Carry Water: Finding Beauty Amid Chaos

 Sitting this morning, surveying my work from yesterday, I feel happy. I finished my Valentine setup. I covered four throw pillows with old scarves, sweaters, and one of Derek's tee shirts. Adorable, I am in love with this theme. Gingerbread Valentine mix, I still haven't named the collection. And I am anxious to start creating Baubles. A flurry came over my chest of anxiety of all the things I needed to get done. I want to get lost in creating, but the material world is calling. A compromise is me selling all my old art files on Etsy. I have been retiring designs and listing them. It is garbage day, I have to tackle some of the green shack today, Chop wo ...

I got my first call sheet this week. I forget, yes, I am an actress too. A flurry of anxiety over my preparedness. I can't let my mind worry now, I need to get tags on my car so I can drive to the shoot. As I worried over all the things I needed to worry over, my mind began to wander as I opened graphic files. My dream last night, it was similar in theme to the night before. It was odd. Oklahoma was the theme in both dreams, an area, a bar.  A feeling came up. A remembrance. Something I saw in the news upset me, reminded me. I started remembering.

I was not allowed to watch the news as a young child. My television was controlled to see certain programming. I have an intense reaction to horrible things. Now, people understand what it means to be an empath. I don't avoid news, obviously, but I do not engage in posts that display any manner of violence. If it offends my Spirit, I quickly move on. Dreams are hard to control that way. I have encountered the choice to get out of certain dreams, but other nightmares, I could not control the scenario. The remembering of a dream, in a facility, being served our own hair. There was a way out in that dream, and I found it. Getting to the perimeter and the field beyond logistics was a whole other task. What about Oklahoma? What are these dreams and visions? 

I needed to check in with myself this morning emotionally after these waves of reality were coming over me this morning. I needed to ground myself and ask the questions. Where am I NOW? Where are we collectively? Whose on the Stage currently. When Derek came downstairs, our conversation rounded to Ryan Reynolds. Derek said, "They say to never meet your HeRoes." My heart sank. We were just talking about this the day prior. All the people I had admired their sparkle, something dimming it. I don't want that. Nor, my own. I never want to be a hero to others, because I don't want to disappoint them. I can be my own hero, because I can stomach disappointing myself. It sucks, I feel it deeply. But, I move forward. What else is happening? 

Planes fell out of the sky. The Tariff Sheriff came to town. The Grammy's came riding in on a Pony. And I started a beautiful February Collection. And I can only control what is right before me. Where is the Panic? Where is the Anxiety? What needs to be done? My mind races. What can be done? Chop wood, Carry Water. Create something Beautiful. Perhaps a Beautiful Valentine Bauble and tree skirt of flowers. Maybe an Invitation Collection to Inspire others.