Monday, August 10, 2020

Being Grateful

Baby Nola (my youngest grand-daughter) is in the ER tonight, she is being hospitalized. They are not sure what is wrong yet. The stress and anxiety from that has all our blood pressure raised this evening. But, something my daughter and I started thinking and talking about on her drive to the is hospital is something we keep saying. We all say it, we constantly talk about how bad 2020 is. And we keep affirming it, over and over. We all keep saying it over and over. Memes say it, we laugh, but deep down we have to laugh to get us through. It was like an aha! moment. The whole world is affirming daily, hourly, how bad it is. We really need to make a conscious shift, to be more grateful. We can easily begin to affirm great changes that will be made. We are in the midst of a great shift. 

We need a united effort of gratitude. So I am going to begin doing this daily. Being grateful and trying to continue to bring beauty into the world. Listing the things I am grateful for. Whether I scribble them down, or create something to give thanks. I will verbally affirm it.  I am so grateful for my life. Everyone in it, even the ones I had to sever chords with. They taught me something and I grew. We had our time in the sun and our passing through each other's lives meant something to me. And even though I haven't reached out much to people lately, you have been on my mind and in my heart. I have just needed some time to work through some pretty heavy  issues. I am grateful I have pulled through them, because, believe me when I say, they almost took me down. But, they didn't. And I am grateful.

I am very grateful for so many things in my life. I am beyond grateful for all the talents I have been blessed with. I am grateful for my home, animals, It's Always Sunny, Schitt's Creek, cannabis, wine, rice pudding and breathing. 

Right now, I am sitting in my bed, using my nebulizer. Allergies are currently pretty bad and honestly, there are moments I feel like I am breathing glass. But, right now, I am still breathing and grateful. I am grateful I have a nebulizer.

Nola has an IV in her baby arm, but she is in good care. I am grateful she has a wonderful mother. I am grateful for my beautiful daughter and her parents. 

Yes, my business has dropped by 70% and my royalties have dwindled to nothing. But, it is still there and still, there is opportunity to be had. New things to learn and work towards. 

Above all, I am grateful for all the self growth and healing I have received this year. I am absolutely a changed person. I feel healed of so many things and will continue on that journey. 

I am going to make a conscious effort that every time I want to say "2020 has been horrible" to stop and be thankful for what it has brought me. I think globally if we all did this, it might help raise this vibration.  Just my thoughts for this evening as I try not to worry, and sit in gratitude and love. 

Saturday, July 18, 2020

Cleaning out Closets

I have been working for some time now to get my website up and running and producing content for it. I've been creating so much content, that digitally on my gadgets, I was out of room. So, I just started deleting files. Very similar to how you just start grabbing old clothes out of the closet to donate them. Telling yourself not to think about it. Then in a flash, I realized what I had done.

I realized I had just deleted a ton of footage, media and pics I had been shooting for months. Content that I shouldn't have deleted. And first, it was pure panic. Heart dropping, stomach turning panic. Then, a weird kind of relief came over me. I stopped, watching everything before my eyes, digitally being wiped away. And in that moment I had a thought. I wondered if any single vibration of fear like this should would give any person a pause for thought. Something so bizarre to experience in our lifetimes, like none of our ancestors. Now this deserves deep inner exploration. And I did. I sat and thought and then channeled a poet or something. 

For it is there, in that space, that the unknown resides, and that the question has no answer. Destiny has not be chosen and it is that very moment when it comes. The deepest understanding of free will. And what consequence is. You see a flash of their passionate dance. Much like obligation flirts constantly with passion.

I sat in deep thought for a while after this. Over analzying myself. I felt oddly relieved I realized. It were as if the past were weighing me down. Like a tattered blanket with ripped, loose ends, tangled in roots and gnarled wood.  I needed to sever these vines and restraints I was enssnared in. It was a blanket of comfort, destroyed by an imagine illusion. The burdens of unfinished projects, lingering, constantly reminding me - all gone. Into absolute complete nothingness. Ghosts, begrudgingly saged from the darkest corners of your house, your mind. 

And finally, the realization that you just have to start all over. But, how strange. How quickly I had moved into immediate acceptance revealed a great deal to me. It revealed itself and then proved its lack of deep connection. It was that horrible thought that passes through everyone's mind. If you were to loose it all, would you be terrified or liberated? 

Friday, July 10, 2020

July 2020

I have been working very hard to change up my marketing and how I work online since Covid has swept the globe. It has knocked my business down by 75%. As the half year totals have rolled in, it has been disheartening. And I know my business is small compared to so many others who have lost everything. But, I am still breathing. And as long as I breathe, I will create. So here is what I have been working on.

Videos, intros and outros for marketing and online ads. New virtual designs as well as getting back into fine art, sculpting and back into my photography work. Lots more to come, but you can check out my progress on these sites.

My TikTok
My Instagram
My Facebook -  Which has now become more of a commercial page. I no longer accept friend requests here and you have to follow me publically there. I will post lots of images and projects I am working on there also.

And at long last, my website is FINALLY GOING UP! I still have a lot to work on by here it is so far: Cynthia Morshedi's Website

I have lots in the works as of now and staying pretty busy. I am hoping to start posting more tutorials here and updates as I move along with other projects I am currently working on.

More to come soon! So stay tuned!