Balancing Dualities: A Check-In with My Soul
Introduction
Today, I find myself standing at the crossroads of my existence, caught between the demands of this physical world and the whispering call of my soul. As I look out at the snow-covered ground, watching the birds feed from the seeds and the squirrels dance through the cold, I feel a deep sense of connection—a resonance with the world around me that is both grounding and transcendent. Yet, within me, there’s a constant push and pull, a delicate balancing act that feels almost impossible to perfect.
I realize now that this isn’t just about exhaustion from creating collections, keeping up with chores, or fulfilling social obligations. It’s about something far deeper—a journey of balancing the dualities that shape my existence.
The Internal Push and the External Reality
There’s an internal push within me that never lets up. It’s not driven by external pressures or societal expectations but by an intrinsic force that I can’t deny. It propels me forward, compelling me to create, to express, to give of myself in ways that feel both exhilarating and exhausting.
This push is rooted in something more profound than ambition or duty. It is the voice that has always been with me, even as a child—the whisper that told me to hide when danger approached, the comforting presence that reassured me when I felt alone. It’s the divine essence within me, the spark that has always known I am more than this body, more than this world.
From a view down here, I keep pushing, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. But from a higher perspective, I see the magnitude of what I am doing and why I cannot do less. I am not made of that. I cannot silence this voice or deny this force within me, even if it means facing fatigue and isolation. It is the fire that fuels my creations, my words, my art—it is the essence of my soul.
Non-Attachment and the Echo of the Past
This internal push has also led me to a curious detachment from my physical body. For the longest time, I believed it was because of the abuse and trauma I endured. But now, I see it’s always been there—a result of that divine voice within me, the part that has always known I am more than this physical form.
Yet, this detachment makes it hard to engage with the echoes of my past. Today, as I reflect on a message from someone I once knew, I feel a strange distance. It’s as if I have died to that life and been reborn into this one. The echo of who I was lingers like a ghost, but I don’t feel peace when I think of that old life. I have moved on, transcended that version of myself. It’s not cruelty; it’s growth. It’s a choice to live in the present, to honor who I am now, rather than who I was then.
I wish them well, but I cannot go back. Engaging with that past brings pain, not because I am bitter but because I have evolved beyond it. I am letting myself be, creating a space of safety and comfort around me to heal the trauma that still resides in my body. I am nourishing that divine spark within me, giving it the focus and love it deserves.
Balancing the Spiritual and Physical Realities
This journey is not just about creation or expression. It’s about balancing the spiritual and physical realities I navigate daily. Yes, my schedule is important. Yes, pushing a collection to produce is important. Yes, keeping up with chores and my health is important. Yes, social obligations are important. But just as crucial as these physical responsibilities is my connection to the divine essence within me—the spark that whispers, that guides, that gives me purpose.
I am learning to transcend my support system to honor this divinity within. I want to give of myself fully—through my art, my words, my collections, my journey, my being. But I can only do that through these physical expressions. This is the paradox I face every day—the duality of being a spiritual being navigating a physical world.
Embracing the Divine Spark
As I sit here, watching the snow, the birds, and the squirrels, my heart feels full. The world outside is a reflection of the world within me—beautiful, cold, vibrant, still. I am learning to embrace this spark within me, to allow it to guide my creations and my journey.
I am not just selling art or collections. I am sharing my soul, my journey, my essence. These are my talents, my gifts, my expressions of the divine. I want to convey this depth, this spirituality, this perpetual balancing of dualities in everything I create.
This is the essence of my Cosmic Book—the journey of self-awareness, of manifesting the dreamer’s dream, of exploring the dualities that shape my reality. It is the most authentic expression of who I am and the story I am meant to share.
Closing Reflections
Today, I acknowledge where I am and honor the journey I am on. I embrace the dualities, the complexities, and the contradictions that make me who I am. I recognize the spark within me and the need to express it in this physical world. I am choosing to balance the push within me with the present moment, to nourish my soul while fulfilling my responsibilities.
I am here, in this moment, navigating the perpetual balancing act of my existence. And as long as I keep honoring this divine spark within me, I am on the right path.
