Breaking Down the Walls: A Journey of Transformation and Deep Cleaning

 I'm sitting at my desk, command control, watching the fence come down around me. The open view has exposed something ugly I have yet to clean up. Sipping, thinking, reflecting, realizing. Everything around me in transforming, quickly and into beauty. I feel like I am struggling to catch up. The transformation is revealing all the things I have been neglecting to deal with, my teeth, my weight, my body, and the shack sitting outside my window. 

Maybe it has been ten years since I built that "green shack." It originally was pink, filled with lace and lots of cute things. I built it for my granddaughters to play "kitchen" in. It had a little play stove, sink and table in it once upon a time. It was adorable. As those bonds began to break, the cute shack began to change. It became dark green, witchy and blended into the earth. My art reflected this at that time. I was embodying all the darkness it felt. I had so much internal rage. 

This morning, maintenance began to dismantle the toppled and twisted wooden fence. The tornado clean up has lingered much longer than anyone would have wanted. Everything around here was crumbling, tenants were dying, and it was tundra cold. We all wanted to just maintain and get by. I have just been trying to maintain and get by. I was barely keeping my head above water for so long, I hadn't realized everything had collapsed around me. I couldn't care. I could only huddle into my hole and try to mend myself and weather the storm. 

A brief break in winter has occurred this week, prompting all of this rapid clean up. Now I am faced with engaging in the dark past that I needed to clean up. The dirty work I know needs to be done. Not just the physical clean up, but also the emotional clean up. The return of the hot tears reveal to me the deep unhealed areas. I have drawers and boxes of emotional stuff I haven't unpacked. I have pushed it further back in the closet only. And now the walls have come down, revealing the inevitable clean up. 

I have transformed with my world around me, for the better. The deep cleaning needs to be done now.