The Fury

 I'm furiously over all the stupidity. We took our cat into the vet today and just like I told my boyfriend, it will be at least $1000 to walk through that door. He didn't believe me. I am glad he went with me. We were forced to have him treated for overnight "hospital stays" of three days for a urinary tract infection. They said they wouldn't even look at him unless we agreed to pay at minimum $900 right then. I detest being strong armed. But here we are, maxing out care credit once again. After what felt like being shamed that our home wasn't good enough, turns out his bloodwork is fine and he might get to come home early. This to me is a great representation of pretty much all people and our government. You must pay for the wars you don't want and be treated like shit and like it. Something in my spirit is saying this is enough. Turns out, it isn't just me. Turns out other people don't like being abused either. So what are we going to do about it? 

My anger incited several rant posts on X this afternoon. I don't even care, cancel me from what? Pull funds and attention I am currently not getting, nor want? I haven't felt the urge to scream like this in a long time. I think instead of people waiting for aliens or Trump to save them, or us, we need to save ourselves. Put everyone's feet to the fire and demand some accountability. Call out the abusers. I am very proud that I can't be purchased. I am very proud I can go through my day without someone holding my hand for every meltdown or thought. I am just beyond disgusted at being tolerant. I don't think we should be tolerant any longer. Where has being tolerant of abuse gotten us? Right here where we are in America. The dumpster fire that is our nation. Purchasable people sitting in positions of power. People without morals dictating how a society should behave. Being gaslit beyond belief. 

Part of me truly believes this is for all the people who never believed the truth bringers prior. I recognize manipulation and abuse because I have endured it throughout my life. I know when I am being gaslit. It appears majority of America, having not been horrifically abused is just now waking up to these facts. It is so very difficult to have empathy. My spirit is even dictating not to give into their whining and lack of accountability. My spirit is strongly saying "Hold these people's feet to the GD fire!" No one is coming to wave a magical wand and wipe all the assholes away. I think that is wishful thinking. 

Feeling powerless creates this hope of a savior of some sort. I prayed my entire childhood and adolescence for someone to save me. This is the reason I got married so young for all the wrong reasons. This is the reason we signed paperwork saying "Yes, we commit to giving you AT LEAST $1200, please save our cat, he is having trouble peeing." Never mind the fact that I could have this rotten and infected tooth pulled for that, but we are at your mercy oh highest of vets. I'm sure three days in your "hospital" is needed. I can live with myself for my actions. And I guess I hope others do suffer for their greed. Perhaps we all do. Is it naive to believe there is a higher power that is going to punish and reward for ethical behavior? Is it the belief that there isn't that propels people to do the evil things they do? Especially when there is no protection by any sort of laws or any justice? It is no wonder so many people are loosing hope. 

I have absolutely and completely no faith in people. I truly don't. I have been told I am cynical. I wonder how cynical I seem now as others are fighting the tyrants in their lives. I've been too nice and understanding. Perhaps we all have. Especially to the people that if you give them an inch they take 10 miles then spit on you. I have been the fool that wanted the love from the people that neglected me. Oh please please, somebody love me. I don't want shit from a goddamn person anymore. But at the very least, be fair. Apparently even that is way too much to ask of most of these people. It sickens me. I honestly have started asking myself why I am trying so hard to help anyone around me. The rage is real and I feel as if I am not the only one. When the collective feels this amount of fury, that will be the tipping point. Society as a whole is at the point where they are saying, fuck around and find out. 

The collective has been guilted, shamed and gaslit too damn much. I have been guilted, shamed and gaslit too damn much. And even in all my fury, I could still never behave like these abusive people. I feel guilt for wanting them to get back what they have put out. So, I don't understand the greed and need to hurt people. I don't want my love to fade and become incapable of completely not caring, but I recognize the want to do just that. Maybe the collective needed to fall this far into the darkness to develop the want to even see the light. I will have to work on mustering the energy to continue to hold a space of peace. But, I am having a damn hard time now holding my tongue.