Sew Slow

 I had a quiet, slow summer I think. Despite the raging wars in my head and existential crisis on a daily basis. I was organizing my fabrics this morning by project type to get some perspective on where I was. Sorting fabrics by season, made me think about how fast the summer went by. Yet when I look back on the various gathered video of moments over the last few months, it is very slow. There were no "urgent" moments. A lot of reflecting, and a lot of sewing. 

So far I have made two denims throws, a leather throw, a sweater blanket, curtains for downstairs, and a paneled curtain upstairs I am still on the fence about. I also made a dress and have the pattern cut for some pants. I have been anxious to iron out my dress and style it. I also am gathering up the strength to cut and color my hair. I am slowly pulling myself back together. I felt in control this morning. I felt like if I could organize all this fabric I could do anything. 

I thought back on checking off some of the to do's on my long laundry list. I've been working on shifting my perspective, though the world has not made it easy. I barely had the energy to log online yesterday. I had to make some appointments and check my emails and messages. I has been a bit. I took a hiatus from the laptop and phone. And I sewed. I was moving the fabric project bags around asking myself what I should work on first? What is taking up the most space and can be done fast? Blankets. Maybe that is why I sewed so many this summer. And curtains. Though I did squeeze a dress in there. 

I felt in control of my creativity. Where did I want to put it today? What did I want to create? Did I want to write, sew, create a holiday graphic invitation set? Work on the next chapter in my Cosmic Book? I felt and feel very blessed. How strange that this would be the most chaotic time in history, yet, I have never felt so inwardly calm as this. The clarity and freedom of where to engage my energy. To control the input. To live on my terms. This is what I meant. It was a big check off the to-do list. A life journey to get to this space of clarity. To calm the energy around me, very aware of every moment. 

I am ambitious enough today to perhaps make a video. I want to gather all these summer clips and string together moments. I need a song. I haven't listened to music, coming up on a year now. It has been difficult to listen to anything other than the sounds of nature. I have even cut out many podcasts and audio books. I silently sewed. I quietly and slowly stitched together remnants of energy. I quilted a tapestry of visual experience and currently use it for comfort in my home.