The Evil

 I awake in the morning and have a routine. A routine I have developed to keep the rage at bay. I comb Angel's hair (my very old golden cat) and we make our way downstairs and feed all the other indoor and outdoor animals. I have been burning rose incense and using rose oils to keep the evil away. I know evil, intimately, and can recognize when it takes over people. I focus on the good things I will do for the day. I open the doors to bring in the light and air and make my coffee. I have cannabis infused coffee that is a mixture I have created. I then sit in meditation. I await for the inspiration to come. I had a rule previously not to look at my phone until at least 10 am, after I have set my intentions for the day and work to walk in peace. The assassination attempt on Trump changed that. 

I see differently. I don't care at this point who believes and who doesn't. The whisperings and visions I personally have seen and heard, protected me. People did not. Parents did not. Schools, foster homes, shelters, government, and the health system did not. I battle my tears as I take so many medications because of the numerous health issues I have. There is great anger and rage within me I have spent a lifetime battling. I have been silenced and ridiculed my entire life and I turned away from all of it a few years ago, after Covid. I no longer wanted to reconcile that the outer world that did not protect was right, and my inner voice, my higher self was wrong. I was crazy and all my family was crazy and we were poor and meant nothing. I meant nothing to world. I had to mean something to myself. I was revealed to myself. 

My difficulties with religion and organized thought came early. In foster homes I resented being forced to go to church. I resented pretending. I saw all these people pretending, lying. Religious liars turned me away from religion. I was connected to something higher, and was told repeatedly I was crazy for it. I decided I couldn't walk in this world of lies and turned away for my own sanity. The health system repeatedly told me isolating was the worse thing, all the while participating in lockdowns. Hypocrisy piled on higher and higher. The same hypocrisy I had witnessed my entire life. The ridicule, the mocking that fueled my rage I so desperately was trying to get under control.  I personally fought to get my internal peace back. 

The first time I knew something was wrong with how I was being touched came in pre-school. I was four years old. We were poor, I lived in the projects and went to the government headstart program. One day we were marched down to a doctor. We were to trust the men in white lab coats. The doctor had me on the table, fingering me. I told my cousin Jerry, who was also in the program and my best friend. He told me a girl doctor was touching him. This wasn't normal. I don't know if I told my mom or he his or anyone else in that program that this happened to. But, this became a normal thing. Abuse and it being denied. There were pedophiles surrounding us as children at every corner, literally. The voice by the trees would tell me to run when men with their dicks hanging out tried to grab me. I was raped at about seven years old. No one cared. I was molested and put through hell, no one cared. I told the truth, I was told I was a liar and was shamed. This became my normal world I struggled to live in. 

Five decades later I am sitting at my laptop, tears streaming from all the pain and anger. I don't hate this world. I love Earth. I love the animals and plants and beauty. The people, I haven't cared much for, because they didn't care much for me. I saw manipulative people, evil people parade around in their fake cloak of goodness. Pretending they were going to church, while screwing everyone they could over. I witnessed the love for money and power dictate people. I didn't understand. They obviously didn't have this connection to God and good, or they were ignoring it. Five decades I have lived on this planet among this evil. I see it. And now others see it too. 

I am watching the disillusionment I have felt in 50 years settle onto the people. It is like the mist of judgement in the dream I had in 2011. Inwardly, it is so easy to trust and see, outwardly, it takes a lot to convince people not to trust themselves. It is an orchestrated program to believe outward and not inward. The witnesses of the world are seeing. I can reveal only what I know and my perception. I don't know anyone else's truth, why would I? So why would anyone question mine? Why am I crazy? Because I didn't conform. I questioned and told the truth. After spending a lifetime of being shut down, I didn't care for people anymore. They were on their own. No one could save them but them. They didn't believe in good or truth, obviously. My immediate response in the last decade has been, "Okay, well go fuck yourself. Take care now, bye bye then." I'm going to go build my own world of peace and you can live out your evil life, just stay the fuck out of mine. 

The evil is coming to center stage. I keep hearing people in spiritual circles say things like "hidden in plain sight" or that "evil must reveal itself, it is the rules." No, it is just fucking there and you either see it or you don't. You participate, or you don't. You choose good over evil, or you don't. You don't wake up and see all the hidden messages, you wake up to the truth that has been there the entire time. Was it hid? Only by people who chose to participate in it. These same people on a mission to destroy the lives of people who have an inner light. They see it and set out to extinguish it. They don't hide it. People ignore it for their own benefit. They participate out of fear and selfishness. They conform. And if you don't conform, then you are crazy. You see it now, not because it has been hidden, but because you choose to open your eyes to it. Now, I am seeing, witnessing, that I am not alone. The evil has been and is being witnessed. 

The inner feeling in my heart says "transcend or be shackled to the evil." Inwardly, what I have intuitively felt and seen my entire life is beyond this small five decades of witnessing. I knew as a child the educational system was not truth. My inner voice, my higher self, my God Eye saw this. I don't need a person to believe this anymore, I just need to believe in myself. I am speaking my truth for me and for good. I don't choose evil. Despite what I have been called over my experience here and what others have thought of me. I have a divine connection to Source. To God. To higher understanding. I want to share what I have been shown, and inwardly began to understand. I trust that voice, that God and Source over any person or system here. My faith isn't in what was created by man, orchestrated by man or abused by man. My faith isn't in evil. My faith is in the good of God. 

I would estimate four years ago, I stated, "I don't want to write about my life. I want to forget it." I said this during a therapy session. I have spent years in therapy. I have been on so many medications because the system deemed me "unwell." In the conformity of the system, I was sick. I look back on all the years and fight the rage that wells up within me. I haven't witnessed JUSTICE in this experience. I was reminded inwardly that hypocrisy on the center stage was to come, before the mist of judgement fell upon the humans of the world. Now, the story is being told through the many around the world. The many of us that witnessed the evil and were shutdown. Why? To avoid judgement. To be judged for the deeds of how energy has been expressed. 

I am called forth now. I wrestle with fear. What is the fear? It isn't the fear of this world, or the people. It is a fear that I will let God down. That I will let myself down. That I will abandon my truth and not share it. That I will have failed my mission and that evil wins. This is a spiritual battle of epic proportions. All I know, is what I think I know. My perception of this experience, what I have come to believe for myself during this expression of life. My flowering against not the elements, but wicked gardeners. The Harvest is revealing.