The Altered Experience

 There have been a few instances that I physically felt my surroundings altered. I have seen darkness, dressed in black and appearing as a reaper. There is what sounds like a violent strum of guitar strings that is ear piercing when he appeared. He made me aware he was there as he stalked around me. He insisted this place was his domain. There was a weird silence, almost a feeling of the pressure in the air around me changed. I have felt the Earth move and change directions under my feet, I have felt the transport into an alternate reality and in about 2011, I felt a merging of timelines. 

I was inwardly very worried about the Mayan calendar and the prophesy. I knew there was an ending to a cycle upon reality. There have been dark times when I lived in denial that what I was experiencing was crazy. Times when I believed I was what I was told I was. I was disconnected from source. I have felt several dark nights of the soul. I have wrestled with revealing the things I have seen, felt, dreamt. Now, I see others. Other flames in the darkness. The torches lighting the tunnel walls. 

I don't know if these instances were personal, or collective, but it was a merging in 2011 that I began feeling. My life was shifting in ways I did not expect. I was about to go into a long battle for my soul and I look back at that moment as almost preparing me. Some would liken it to be as putting on the armor of God. It felt like an expansion of energy fields all around me. Everything I thought was solid matter around me became liquid, moving in like layers of liquid. It was a profound experience. I questioned if the world had exploded and I was a remnant of consciousness expanding out into the fields. There was a contraction and I came back into reality. 

The most recent feeling a physical shift happened earlier this year. I was coming from my kitchen, walking into my office. I was facing North, NE and I felt the ground beneath me sort of switch directions. I was walking against the rotation. The Earth felt like it was turning southward and I was walking against gravity, northward. I wanted to stay aware in the moment and not get lost. I wanted to remember the rotational direction. I then stepped back into reality. 

An additional time I felt transcended from my reality happened in the early 2000's. I was laying in my bed, trying to sleep when I felt a sensation come over me. It felt like rings encircling all around me, moving the matter that was me. In this instant I felt transported. I felt removed from my bed and now felt like I was in a backpack on a mountain watching in on a meeting. It felt like a meeting of the Gods on a mountain in South America. Their presence was strong, I was small, on the back of a giant watching in. I didn't understand what was being said, it wasn't in my language. But, I felt with my heart. A deep communication. A communication of things I could not physically understand. I felt safe and awoke in my bed. 

Another time of a shifting I want to document happened around 2015 I believe. It was after 2011 and before 2018. Post Mayan, Pre Covid. The daughter I had released in 1992 was back in my life and I was reconciling, or trying to. She had daughters at this time and I was now a Grandmother. I had never been a mother and now, it was all overwhelming. Our relationship was very difficult at the time. Everything in my life was. I snapped. I had been visiting her in east Tennessee when I just lost it. I got in my car and drove. I drove until I hit the ocean, then contemplating swimming to my death in the sea. I could not get far enough away from my life. The experience was overwhelming. I arrived in a little town called Folley's Island. 

I wasn't even sure what state I was in. I was driving along the ocean and then everything began to feel very familiar, although I had never been this far east in my life. I can still vividly see the little island town. I remember the sandy walkways through the beach houses to get to the water. I sat there, for what felt like days and watched the waves. I watched the people. I contemplated if I were to just stay here, disappear, what would I do? It felt so familiar I didn't want to leave. And reality crashed in. I had to go home. I had to reconcile my life. Perhaps a part of me stayed there, because it was driving home, leaving that town that I felt the next merging. 

I was about to get on the highway, no idea where I was going, just get on the highway and make my way. I was getting onto the highway from the town when I felt dizzy. I felt a push on my car and being. I wasn't sure if I had been hit or what was happening. I quickly pulled over onto the side of road. I sat there trying to make some sense. I hadn't been hit. I then felt a tremendous pressure in my sinuses and in my forehead. It was a condensing of sorts. I almost felt like my brain was physically collapsing onto itself. It then lifted. I got back on the highway and headed home. 

The experiences from my childhood and experiences as an adult made me question what reality was. When I compared notes to people around me, I was quickly deemed as the strange one. Others did not  have experiences like I did. At any level. Perhaps this molded me to accept isolation. I'm far more comfortable alone. Not being able to trust the world around me as a child, I had to trust someone, so I trusted myself and a strength beyond me, God. What did any of the experiences mean? Did they mean anything to the world outside of myself? Was reality only created by my belief and belief of the experience? Was there a resolution to these experiences? A revelation?