The Resonance Continuation

 I woke up this morning with so many things I wanted to do, so many things to research and think about. I am chopping wood and carrying water while also listening to everything Terrance Howard is saying, while using AI to research and help write, organize and create schedules to stay productive. I want so much to engage fully in this subject. It is something I have been longing for. Now that I am here, I do feel the fear rising. The thing I have been wanting is responding, the connection with my world. I ask if I am ready?

What I am hearing Howard present is resonating so deep within me. I need to understand more, realize deeper to dissolve these blocks of fear. Instantly my insecurity is brought to the surface. All the times I have been called stupid and uneducated. It is the same dynamic I am seeing on the world stage now. "Who are YOU to have an opinion about what we have decided is the law? Who are you to question what is established?" Isn't that the point of growth? It is a frustrating feeling that resonates with me anytime I see someone coming to the stage, excited to show a different way of thinking about things. Then the gasps from the viewer, the refusal then dismissal. It is the overthrowing of old paradigms and the resistance to the change in thought. It is the same I am feeling with my fear. 

I live in a new world. This world has radically changed in my lifetime and the couple of generations before me. So much so that it has been hard to process or digest. As my own personal existence has been shifting, I too feel the fear come up. What does it mean to truly give myself into this space? In my life before this shift I was a slave to dysfunctional family, relationships and was severely depressed. And as I come out of this, the old life wants me to hang on to them and for my higher good, I can't. Not in the dysfunctional way that I was, bleeding out my energy with no way to recoup it. I did set forth to break all those shackles that had me. One by one, I cut the chords. I made the choice to do these things. I was so intent on living in this new world that time felt like it was moving faster than I could catch up to. 

It is all so strange and it is difficult for me to find resonance when I look physically around me. Physically around me, I am pressured to focus only on money. Making money, spending money, a life of consumption. When I opened myself up to a larger viewing of consumption, it horrified me. What a mind fuck. Like Terrance Howard, I too was born into this world differently. I did start "seeing" from an early age. I didn't understand this wasn't a common thing to many on the outside world. And if it were, they hid it. They put their light under a bushel basket to hide it. Why? To not be ostracized, as had been witnessed by the abuse to the ones who did. That created a disgust within me as I witnessed the hypocrisy of these people saying "be true to yourself, but not you, you're crazy, you won't conform." The anger that I kept inside for so long. So I step out further. 

I too, came in different. My quest of trying to understand why this was started revealing itself to me in ways I didn't understand yet. I couldn't understand because I was absolutely limiting myself out of fear. Even though I would not conform outwardly and do what I was supposed to expected, or even told, I still had inner fears. It was a fear of not being understood and feeling isolated in this experience. And then I saw them come to the stage, one by one and say "No, we can't just accept this limiting belief because we already think we know everything." I think many of us have such a strong pull to ancient civilizations because we are questioning, where is the disconnect? What is connected? The research pulls all this information forward. The journey to knowing. It's a cycle of an archetypal force. I resonate. 

Writing comes absolutely natural for me. It always has and is one of the gifts I came in with, along with "second sight" and other talents. When Terrance Howard said he came in with this, because he had been working on this in past lives, I got that. That has been a resonation with me and why I needed to start looking at reincarnation different. Seeking knowledge and connecting dots comes easily for me as well. As much as I would have liked to come into this world and have leap frogged forward, I was tripped up by trauma. As we all were. We tripped over this trauma because we realized it was in the way. We need a collective healing. This is why all the old wounds are coming to the surface. We can't change the things we have been denying. We are all facing our fears now. We are resonating. 

As I come back into my world, hearing the rain creating distinct sounds as it moves against various forms outside, I realize my world has changed. A merging of inner and outer worlds. There is such a safety and peace in this understanding. Our suffering wants us to believe we can't stay in this state. Even as I sit here realizing I am working on merging my worlds, thoughts and integrating higher understanding, I still need to place a grocery order. I still have laundry to do and cat shit to scoop. I sat down again this morning with intent to hammer out schedules. Why? Because this is shit I don't want to have to worry about. It is the same the outer appearance. It is an expenditure of energy that doesn't resonate with me. I can do it. I can show up and show out. But, it isn't where I truly resonate.