Excavating the Horns
A hostility arose in me the day before yesterday. An irritation that started late in the afternoon. It must have radiated out of me and was felt by my cats. They became snippy with each other and began to fight. The irritability rose to a height that caused me to feel this immense frustration and snap in a fury and just go to bed. I regained myself quickly, but started to reflect on what created this. Just the night before I started getting sucked into the news again with all that is going on in our world politically. We are in a time of great change that everyone feels. Growing pains and discomfort as paradigms are collapsing. It is what we have been pushing for, but are we ready emotionally?
I began to wonder if I am pushing myself too hard. Do I do too much? Only I can answer that, because by other's standards I am an over achieving perfectionist. Over the years I have learned to say, "Good enough" and not push for perfection. But, has that been good? Had I taken on ideas that didn't resonate with me? I feel good and peaceful when I adhere to my schedule and have the time to do the things I love. I had been maintaining peace, and then I slowly got sucked back in when I engaged in the frantic media. I didn't sleep well that night, even on sleep meds and I felt it yesterday. Rest is very important for me and I have worked hard to create sleeping conditions that I feel rested in. I began to truly feel despair for the people wrapped up in this frenzy going on in the world. In my mind educating people is the answer. There is a big part of me that feels like this is all a distraction or just complete ignorance to what is going on here.
This is why the spiritual community has been resonating with me deeply now. I find solace when I do connect with people who are feeling what I feel. People who also see that there is something more going on here. My aloneness came over me and I moved into despair asking myself if I was crazy because I can't just be happy with watching trash tv, drinking, having sex parties, watching porn, eating out everyday and participating in sports. That life doesn't resonate with me. When I tried to live in a material world where I focused on hustling for paper, parading around doing all the "cool" things, I felt more alone. I was surrounded by more people, but felt more alone. When I think about things, I know I have made the right choices. I started questioning why I got irritable and angry. If felt like I was being pulled back into that world. The drama made me feel sick to my stomach.
The emotional surges continued as I was whipped through emotional pain. I stood on the harsh side of judging my mother, and I was judges. My shame broke me. I cried in pain. This understanding came painfully, and I embraced it. It would be easier to sit in blame and victim hood and not begin to understand her pain. It felt like the mists of judgement falling on everyone, the one I dreamt of in 2011. I saw all the people around me in the fields, each struggling to move bearing their own judgement. I had many experiences and visions then. I was to work on more karma since then. I worked until I felt them disintegrate, the night my brother died. My last sibling, no parent still alive. I lost Mike, my dog, my brothers and so much more during this time. Then a release came, and still comes in waves as I work through the pain of understanding.
Last night, I allowed myself to play Diablo. Observing what it was I enjoyed. It is the cosmetics of it, I ended up getting a premium pass to get a horse mount. Now, when I ride into a community world boss battle, I will show off my new helmet. I can't walk around in life in such garments, well I do during Halloween. I love the detailing, I love the world map, I see the avatar I control in the game and I think deeply about it. I dream of creating my own philosophical game. I then question if that is what I have done in this reality?
Last nights dreams were phenomenal. I was excavating layers in my dream, I didn't want to wake up. This was a first. Definitely different than pirates throwing bloody babies in the water and end of the world scenarios. I got up at Angel's beckoning, his hair needed to be combed and nature needed to be observed. I was sleep walking through the motions trying to remember the dream. Hold on to these images I kept repeating in my head. Horns of the animals and which way they are pointing, remember that. Then my mind starts analyzing, wait, what? Let's think about this for a moment. And why was I looking for maps in my legs? Why was I so blown away with this dream? Because I wasn't running for safety at a disaster?
There is a familiar story in my dreams. I return there often. It is in the fashion world. This lifetime of dreams is at the same advancement as now, if not a little ahead. There are slight differences only there, the shapes are unique, the colors and design. It is a montage of decades done different from what I have seen here in design theme or artist movements. The colors are definitely reflecting fashion, with deep pinks and curved furniture. The flower bouquets are different also. I am there, in the shop, at the black counters talking to a coworker. I am excited to get off work. Familiar places I travel through until I get to the entrance of the site. I am an archaeologist, dusting away at bones and horns deep in the sediment. At least five feet of dirt surrounds me. "Fascinating" I whisper out loud. In my dream trying to piece together what this could me. I was so excited to return with my findings. That was what I was supposed to remember.
I saw in dream the Anunna. What I was taught were the Annunaki as a child. Very tall, like I have seen Michael the Angel in my dreams. I stand like a child next to them. In my dream, I was searching for mapping in my legs. Reflecting, I am wondering what this means. I was also teaching what I observed about the horns. In my dream, which way they were pointing represented different time frames. Very different time spans. A bull's horns. I listen to my discerning voice, and try not to get hung up what I think this means. Was this representational of constellations? Time periods? Were the horn directions a mirror, a reflection? In my dream they represented carving through the earth if they were pointing down and moving through the air is they were pointed up. What a strange thing to dream. In my waking life, synchronicities are happening at a rate that I have started to question if these were clues I left myself. Or, do I just look for greater meaning in everything and find it?
Against my routine, I grabbed my phone and got online to see what might be prompting these recent experiences. I was greeted by imagery in a post that ignited another memory of doodling I used to do, unconsciously. They looked like cross hatching. I then realized these were back slashes and forward slashes on a keyboard. Flashes of logging onto the old computers and running DOS came to mind. Remembering the back slashes... how strange a memory and connection. When the sun's reflection shown very bright through a recent area were there were no longer trees from the storm, against the TaTa buildings glass, I thought the sun was rising in the wrong direction. I knew my dream had gotten to me. Was I paranoid, looking for things to connect? Or, was my experience demonstrating back to me the concept of a mirrored reflection? I could either fixate on this, overthink it and try to connect it with something greater, or I could forget it and move on with my day.
As above, so below, the mirrored and holographic world, that is an interesting thought. It would explain these notions I keep having that I have left myself clues from a higher realm. As many religious people turn to analyze their programmed beliefs, I am doing the same with my "New Age" programming. As above, so below is also not a new term for me growing up in New Age thought. I used to say it at ceremonies, kind of like, Amen - not even knowing why. When I returned to my teachings and programming, I began to see the actual reflection happening. My mother's "Course of Miracles" teaching that this was all an illusion frustrated me for decades. I had so much baggage and judgement wrapped up in all this because of the trauma of my childhood. I am grateful to be in a place of peace now to be open to all of what could be.
I know little of Astrology beyond the basics. Although my basics might be very different than another's basics. I did not know however, that the Taurus constellation was one of the oldest along with the most recognizable constellations in the night sky. It also contains the Pleiades star cluster, also known as the Seven Sisters. There is the reference to the Seven again. Am I a reflection of something on the other side of the Taurus constellation? Or, am I pulling all this together to create some sort of narrative? I chuckled when I read of the Cherokee Myth that seven boys were turned into seven stars when they wouldn't stop play to work. Chop wood, carry water! I wasn't alone. I was never alone.
In the mornings I am developing a routine of writing in gratitude journal. I am often most thankful for this peace and understanding I feel. It does surpass all. I was recently thinking I have gotten to do most of the things I have wanted to, except go a great archaeological discovery. Is that why I had the dream I did last night of excavating bulls and animals with horns? Was the key in my legs because I felt too fat to do these things and I pushing myself to exercise? Am I projecting into my own dreams? What is a horn really? Did I even know?
Scorpius is the opposite view, counterpart to Taurus. I found that interesting that I am astrologically labeled a Scorpio here and Derek is a Taurus. Most people close to me are Tauruses. They provide a balanced view of each other. A great deal of my knowledge in astrology is superficial. I'm not sure why my immediate response to my dream is that it was symbolic to the heavens. Is this something someone thinks about while dusting horns off in an archaeological site? Apparently in my dream excavation it does. If I was projecting subconscious and unconscious thoughts into my dreams, it would be symbolic I would think. Are dreams symbols? What a dream is has been something I don't understand either. Is our dreams what link us to something more than what we see here? It provides us with imagery of things beyond of what we can imagine in waking life?
Would I go "back to school" to study to become an archaeologist or geologist? No. Not because of my age or the work, it is the world of academia that I have witnessed. Much like the Christians detoured me from religion, the academics detoured me from education. It all seemed like a game to me, filled with clubs and members agreeing to rules they create to play a game they created. There is too much agenda that has not sat well within my inner core. Corruption I have witnessed in every area of my life. I don't want to play the game to chase the paper to sit in dirt and dust bones and dream. I can go outback, wash my crystals and contemplate their structure, freely and peacefully with only the agenda to explore. I don't want to participate in games of corruption. I want to be at peace, working on a stronger connection other than corruption and consumption. That is the authentic truth I have be led to follow. Where did the truth quest come from? Is it innate and all and the free choice, the free will is to follow it?
So I asked AI chat what my dream might of meant. The response:
Dreams often contain rich and complex symbolism that can be interpreted in various ways depending on personal experiences, cultural background, and psychological states. The dream you described about excavating horned animals, with the orientation of the horns representing different periods of time on Earth, can be analyzed from several perspectives:
Symbolic Meanings
- Horns: In many cultures, horns symbolize strength, power, and fertility. They can also represent defense and aggression. The direction of the horns (up or down) might add additional layers of meaning:
- Horns Facing Up: This could symbolize growth, aspiration, reaching towards higher goals or spiritual realms. It might indicate a time of progress, ambition, or enlightenment.
- Horns Facing Down: This could symbolize grounding, humility, or decline. It might represent a period of introspection, downturn, or a need to focus on fundamental or earthly matters.
Temporal Representation
- Time Periods: The orientation of the horns representing different periods of time could indicate a need to understand or reconcile different phases of your life or history. It suggests a connection between past events and their impact on your present and future.
Psychological Interpretations
- Excavation: The act of excavating can symbolize digging into the subconscious, uncovering hidden truths, or bringing buried issues to light. It suggests a process of self-discovery or a desire to understand deeper aspects of your psyche.
- Horned Animals: Depending on the type of animals, they could represent specific qualities or traits you associate with those animals. For example, bulls might symbolize strength and determination, while goats might represent independence and resourcefulness.
Cultural and Personal Context
- Personal Associations: Consider any personal connections you have with horned animals or the concept of excavation. Personal experiences, memories, and emotions tied to these symbols can offer more tailored insights.
- Cultural Symbolism: Different cultures have varying interpretations of horns and animals. Reflecting on your cultural background might provide additional clues about the dream's meaning.
Integrating the Symbols
- Balance and Cycles: The alternating direction of the horns might symbolize the cyclical nature of time and life, emphasizing the balance between ascension and descent, growth and decline.
- Guidance and Reflection: The dream might be guiding you to reflect on different periods of your life, encouraging you to learn from past experiences and apply those lessons to your current situation.
Practical Steps
- Journaling: Write down your dream in detail and any thoughts or feelings it evokes. This can help you uncover connections and insights.
- Meditation: Spend time meditating on the symbols in your dream. Pay attention to any new thoughts or emotions that arise.
- Seek Professional Insight: If the dream feels particularly significant or troubling, consider discussing it with a therapist or dream analyst who can provide deeper psychological insights.
Interpreting dreams is highly subjective, and the meaning can vary greatly depending on individual context. Reflecting on these elements can help you uncover what the dream might be communicating to you.
