The Unfurling

 This morning I began sketching a lounge chaise in my head. After conceiving a basic structure, I longed for a 3D printer. Could I design all these things and print them to make a custom chair for the corner I am contemplating some change in? What are you doing? You're trying to make a large chair from idea, like you don't have enough on your chore list to do. I briefly dreamt of a life of me creating anything I wanted without any interruption. What was the interruption? My thoughts. 

I keep asking myself how I am complicating something, then how can I simplify that to be feasible. It is the deep longing to attach to a project and just get lost without a care. I thought about how I need to work on time blocking and removing distractions and the fear of getting completely drawn in for unhealthy amounts of time. My brain was scanning through folders, my heart looking for something to grab it. I had failed trying to listen to audios this morning. The vibrations in some of the voices just didn't sit well with me. Then, I remembered. 

It was in January of this year when my daughter came to visit. I didn't think mushrooms had the capability of creating an experience like I had. I was hoping for a clear crispness, like the January air. A clean breath, a completely clear and blue sky. A step on freshly fallen snow. A clear contrast of a red cardinal hoping along the deep white crystalline flakes. I got that, but in not an easy clear way I had hoped. Perhaps Spirit took that opportunity to come in and rattle my soul some. My soul was rattled, and I have spoke very little of it since that night. 

I experienced things I can't explain. This wasn't a new thing for me, but this one was seeping into my reality and made it hard to distinguish between what I considered my creative side and my physical reality. It felt like boot camp for the soul. It made me no longer long for a deep experience on a stronger drug. No trips to the jungle and wrenching of the body to connect with something to show me how wicked I was. This was an experience to enhance my tools, my skills. 

Everything became energy. I battled with waves of energy, nothing was in a physical form. I connected deeply with this energy and moved with it. It taught me things. It showed me things. Not only was everything around me energy, so were the vibrations. As I heard voices around me from my daughter on the phone, through the walls and outward. I had to stop the expansion of how far I could feel/hear the energy. The only way I can describe this is through an audio visualization. Everything came to me in frequencies, moving up and down with sound. It was sharp and angry, jabbing and others were calm and soothing. 

I have experienced an intensity of sensory input all my life. I knew physically that much of these sound vibrations were harming me. I instinctively knew to go into nature for soothing. Extra Sensory Perception includes all these things. It is an acute awareness of the vibration of everything around you. When this feeling becomes so intense, you have to balance it. I have to isolate to recoup from extreme energy exchanges. Even for simple things, like shopping. Noises blaring from all around, the energy seeping from people in a chaotic way. Voices and light emitting more vibrations, while becoming aware of the fear in your body from feeling preyed upon. It isn't worth it for me to subject myself to it anymore. It is too harmful to my being. 

I got a sample of shampoo and conditioner with my grocery order the other day. This stuff smelled amazing, peonies and roses. I felt like I must have more of this heavenly lather in my life, but I couldn't remember the name and had thrown away the package. When last I picked up my groceries, there was another sample bag. I was excited. I asked the young lady helping to load my groceries if she had tried it. She said that it was a great brand. I had never heard of it. I then told her that samples now are great, because I rarely ever step foot in the grocery stores now. Life has changed dramatically in such a very quick time. I became very aware of the gratitude for all the blessings in my life now, like not having to endure the pain of shopping. This is actually, the best time of my life. 

I have, since that intense experience of energy, devoted more of my energy to controlling my environment to be healthy and optimal. I refuse to subject myself to phone calls any longer. I only go on my social media when I have a little extra energy and feel balanced. I am learning to tightly control my environment, hence the want to build a chase lounge this morning to improve my experience during the day. The shifting sun also meant shifting light and that I needed to move some plants around. I have been thinking of a deep cleaning, a rearranging and that is my first corner I want to start with. 

Finally removing my thoughts from creating intricate legs and a tufted back on this imaginary chair, I decided to listen to some podcast or audio book. It was while flipping through my folders, searching for something to grab me so I could design, that I remembered. The vibrations coming from my phone were disturbing me. I felt an instant agitation stir within me. What was this feeling and why was I so annoyed. I turned my attention to the video. It was the people and the vibrations coming from the information they were giving. I sensed this smugness of "pulling one over on people" and I felt this anger in my throat. My immediate thought was whether it was possible to get information without an agenda. It was the agenda vibration that came through to me. It wasn't sitting well, and I turned it off. 

Maybe this is my karma for being so loud here on this planet. Unknowingly seeping out my energy flow affecting people. It's almost embarrassing. Then I realized the irony and the internal messages began flowing. I saw myself, in my Bloody Mary box, flipping the switch and screaming. Bloody and screaming at the world, fear me you little fucker, for all the pain you have inflicted, by your consent with a ticket. It was in that box that the call I missed from my dying brother came. It was all surreal. I wandered the halls, holding it all inside until I found energy bodies of safety to hold me while I gathered myself. I found the energy of Josh and Charla, and they gave me the strength to move forward with my next task of getting home.

It was that night, driving home from the haunt that I felt all the sacred bonds release. I knew my contracts had been fulfilled. Since then, there has been a quickening all culminating to that moment in January. So much to process. It is like a galactic wave expanding. It is like the unfurling of a fresh fern in the early spring. Deep understanding washing over me in silent and sacred moments.