Journals From Earth

 I am sweeping when the loud mower's blade, in the field next door, strikes something that halts all progress. I am not sure what happened, but someone is a "fucking moron." Maybe it is me, I am a fucking moron at times. My interactions prove that. They made the case just morning after I signed off to revise and print my weekly schedule. I internally fought, but discipline prevailed. My inner lonely says, "I thought you were going to take some time off?" "We can still have fun with rules" is what my honest internal dialogue says. I laughed.

I hysterically laughed again while outside sweeping. The oak pollen is thick this year and honestly, three sweeps a day and still there is more. I was questioning how much time and energy should I put into this right now, if I am going to be doing it again later? Time blocking and energy expenditure has become very important to me. Where is the best use of my time and energy? 

I've been working on time blocking for a bit now. Refining every day what is important for me to be done, and when do I do it best? This exploration revealed to me why I had failed at so many jobs. The bulk of my best energy was being used to hurry through a makeup routine, wardrobe check, guzzle coffee while fighting traffic to race to an office by 8:00 to sit down at a desk and be expected to create. The phone ringing, people talking, intercoms, emails, meetings, lunch break at work, then a crash by about two. What have I got done? By this time the bulk of my best energy had been spent doing needless things. I was suffering needlessly. I thought working for myself was the best option. I'm not great at paying myself. This is when my inner creative spirit screams, "Can I just create?"

While blocking off all this time to do certain things, I recognized when I did them best. I became very aware of the energy expenditure ratio. Where was I suffering needlessly? This has become something I ask myself daily. Hence, I say it to Derek often. Well, I ask him. This morning he replied, "Will you stop saying that? It isn't helping." Maybe not, but it is all I got right now. Why? Because that is what I am asking myself daily. I stopped sweeping all the oak pollen and saturated pecan shells. I came inside to definitely print that schedule. 

I listened to the space weather this morning and I gave Derek my phone. My creative energy started to flow. I have been writing so much, that I haven't even gotten to the design schedule today. Did I need to start batching design and writing time by days? I needed to prioritize my avenues of monetary exchange. Right now, I have one for design. I decided to only focus on one platform to see how that goes. It felt like it was going well and I returned to the thoughts of opening back up my Etsy. No, I'm not there. I know because I handed away my phone this morning, participating in a forced break. 

I need to update my websites to reflect current schedules. And sweep more. While doing all this I thought about what my goals were and prioritizing my interests. I thought about my vessel, and the extensions of it; my home, my car, my work ... What did it mean to live my best life and have the best experience? How much time needed to be devoted to tasks?