To Intuite
The individual is an archetype. Each collective of the archetype makes up a greater archetypal collective. Each collective thriving through the chaos seeking betterment. The healthiest individual making up part of this collective. This was my personal map of understanding. And this was the only way I could begin to try to find my way. I had to chart where I was, and where I was going. I needed a gauge. I needed a compass that resonated from within me. I needed to trust something, so I trusted in myself. I trusted, despite how much outer influence told me I was wrong. To myself, I had to be true. Nothing external so far was reflecting truth. It wasn't my truth which was obvious my resistance. My inner flame that burned brighter.
My shadow side harbors animosity. A venomous snake tongue, that when provoked, strikes out at the enemy. Who is the enemy, the one creating the chaos in harmony. The one who choose to deliberately inflict harm, in full awareness. That shadow side sometimes, through exhaustion, provoke words that have the intent of harm. And I don't like that. That is the rage I have fought with my entire life. This is where my spiritual and material start coalescing. There is no collision, no sudden ringing of the bell. Let's search for balance.
Other faulty programming includes the idea that I deserve or need to suffer. Why? If we are equal to ask, why should I suffer if I don't want to? The other can't say, "Because I said so" without me asking why that is an answer agreeable to both of us. It is is not. It is one wanting to dominate the energy of another. I, being the one who doesn't want to suffer, am not agreeable to this. I believe in the flow of energy. Can I even begin to speculate the original source of this divine spark? What can I comprehend of this? What does it mean to hypothesize?
Recently, I got the black screen of death on my laptop, twice. Come on ole girl I say to her. I am working on cleaning you out and getting rid of old programs. But, I will need an upgrade to install any of the newer programs, such as photoshop. Why was all this creating anxiety? Because I am using my current resources as optimally as I can. This includes creating on platforms I already have an open source to. Meaning, Zazzle and graphic design. It has been difficult for me to design, let alone enjoy designing for years. I had no want to participate in anything anymore. I was on the way into full blown isolation. My ship was going down, and I was going down with it. A debris field.
Awakening from a collective amnesia. Graham Hancock brought this to our awareness in the early 1990s. He said in an interview that he didn't create that idea, it was a conclusion that came upon while investigating. I believe he said it came from someone he was studying from the 17th century. It is obvious to us now, so why wouldn't this be obvious then? It is fascinating how long it took the awareness that we were even on a planet to come into the collective. Our embarrassment of our ignorance to not resolve came quickly. Passing the torch or flame of knowledge was so difficult. It has come with ridicule. The deep seeds of resentment from being ostracized were planted, sown. An unintended virus from a faulty program. Our belief in our aloneness, our suffering. Why?
We collectively agree we don't want to suffer. We individually look at our wounds and work on healing them. We recognize - RE -cognate, our want to move forward toward the good. We access the environment and learn to adapt with it. We collectively, intuitively, tap into this mission. We rationalize opposition as a means to strengthen. We are resilient.
There are ideas I have intuitively resisted. I had to examine my own biases. What was the ingredient in sauce that just didn't lend to an overall good taste. What were the bad tastes left in my mouth? It feels like I am drilling down into file folders, down to the root. I look for meaning while doing the chores. Being fully present while observing. What conclusions make sense to me? What language do I best express this in? What am I intuitively resonating with?