The Motive

 I was making breakfast this morning, tuning into my own perceptions. Something I have innately done regardless of the external, the duality pulling me in the other direction. We are either working toward the common goal of growth. Like plants and animals, we thrived or died out. The survival of the fittest idea. King of the jungle. But, it takes jungle to make the Lion king. A mutual existence between the ego of each is what I envision a peaceful garden as. 

I came to all this while frying bacon in a pan. I laughed. I laughed. I have missed this feeling. My rational mind keeps whispering, "don't go over board, and really believe something is happening and get let down." Over coming that fear in my mind has been difficult. It has made me question all the external programming I had received, knowing it wasn't what was best for my system. Yet, what have patterns shown you? To trust the process and be in the moment. With my full stomach, I snuggled my kitties, while watching the curtains dance around in the cool air. In the background, my new plants. It is a beautiful moment. 

Nothing will make you more aware of how you are showing up in your world than a slice of bacon. Or, it might just be me. I don't like to eat pork other than in the form of bacon. I have been working on not feeling guilty every time I put food into my body for nourishment. I want to be present enough to give thanks. Giving thanks in the moment is often reflected back to me with growth. I am able to take time to think about our sun, our earth, our community. Gratitude for the food I am able to make to eat. Then I wonder if there is a planet out there of pigs, frying up people for breakfast. A question that appalled Derek. "But, why am I better than this cucumber?" I asked. 

What was the cucumber designed to do? Nourish us with food? What if in an alternate universe we are the nourishment for a higher source's benefit. Us believing we are top of the food chain has really shut down that thought for some people. Derek replies however, "As humans we are able to communicate this, we have hands and a brain." And so do monkeys. We both understand the insertion of some sort of consciousness in this process. How was my consciousness showing up? 

I feel the most guilt over consumption of material goods. Not being sustainable on my own. Therefore, I show up in this place in need. I don't want to greedily take and ask for more.  Can this process show up a bit more harmoniously in my life? Why wasn't it? Has harmony been the bulk of observation here? Has harmony shown up here or chaos? If I can come to terms with the duality of it all, then I can question my motive. And I can question others. 

I started asking how I showed up in the world. Constantly needing the drama? Maybe at one time. It doesn't resonate with me any longer if it isn't the serving the good. If we are all in agreement in serving the good, where does the exploitation come into view? Where was it showing up in my life? How has it shown up before and how can I make the whole process a bit smoother. I can become aware and self observant in how I am affecting other's energy. I want to show up positively, in harmony. I would expect other's to do the same. It is all about the motive. What is the motive? How does it serve?