The Distortion

 My quest to fix faulty programming and rebuild a better overall system has led me to viewing my experience through a completely objective lens. Objective as I can be while recognizing my ego. Where was this distortion that reflected back to me that I wasn't accepted by this existence? How bizarre now that I am aware of this distortion. When did I first see it clearly? When I leaned there was no Santa Claus. 

1111 Columbia Hills was where we lived when my entire world began to fall apart in every aspect. I now live on 1010 A Street. I remember all the tragedy of that summer. The moving from there and a few places before landing at the bottom of Cypress Hill. It wouldn't be until 3rd grade that I would be in school full time again. I don't remember first or second grade. Slowly other memories are returning. That was also the time I learned there was no Santa Claus, on top of all the other trauma.

I would continue to present myself to the world following that and continuously feel rejected. This distortion that I didn't belong to this world or couldn't participate like others added more viruses to faulty programming. What saved me? My light within, my higher self, my "something more." It scares me deeply to think about not recognizing it. The times I went against it still haunt me. I knew within myself, yet the world was saying that was wrong. What exactly was this distortion?

I realized no one was coming to save me. I had to save myself. I didn't realize how much that would even rub people the wrong way. I was confused. "Jesus is the only one that can save you" I was greeted with. Perhaps what we are referring to is the same thing, only yours has been so limiting. I then became aware that only an authority could grant your prayers, not you. And the authority had to be interpreted by another authority, outside of you. You were not supposed to lean on your own understanding. What I had witnessed was not the same as what I felt internally. So, I guess we are different. Maybe I am not the problem. What was the problem? This distortion I have witnessed during my time here has come from completely putting our personal power outside of ourselves. Knowing thyself is key. The key is within. What is within? 

I've been working my way through my thought "files." I am searching the system for errors, where the distortion is corrupting positive thought. I was listening to a podcast on self sabotage and procrastination. My thoughts about my battle with depression came up for analyzation. I am feeling better. To my surprise, I am feeling better. Something is working. I am working. I am doing the work to clear out this old programming. I am not even half way through my treatments with TMS. It should continuously get better. What has changed? I am able to meet my day with excitement again. 

This distortion is now reflecting in our collective. The distortions and corruptions are surfacing, much like ancient structures rising from the dirt. The rise and fall, the cycles, the patterns, all things we are now witnessing. These are the moments where I can observe the distortions, from various lenses. It is playing out over stages across the globe. Motives and distortions coming into focus.