How Bizarre

 I was recently listening to a podcast on epigenetic memories. I have been fascinated since they began talking about how people are severely scared of spiders, have ancestors that died of spider bites. Or, something like that. Then we found the heart actually carries memories. This body we are in, this bio-suit, is running on programs and embedded with markers. Genetic markers pulse through this suit. I get the vessel idea, the body holding the "soul" or mind, or heart. I thought then that there must be a reason for the bliss moments. Those moments I am reminded of something soul stirring. 

As I have been working on my trauma issues, I have also began to search my bliss moments. When does my heart actually smile? There is a difference in the love feeling. The love and connection you feel deep in your heart that fills you with gratitude. I wanted to tune into those moments. I found them in the song of a bird, the green mossy patch by a tree, the ripples in a still creek. That is truly what made my heart smile. The flowers, the animals, the earth. But, this is reality, right? 

I am grateful for these moments. These small moments of noticing a plant growing, the center of a red onion, the warm breeze through the freshly leaved trees. My fur babies, and how gentle they are. The smell of food cooking, that is a favorite too. My life is filled with all these lovely things each day I am anxious to explore. What is the resistance? Working through feelings of guilt and shame. Identifying what is truly my obligations and what isn't. What is mine to work on? Because that is the only thing I can personally resolve. 

I have always dreamt of living in a temple somewhere, secluded away, reading old books, and writing. When I was young I wanted to be a nun, monk, anything to get me away. I've always known I was sort of the vehicle here. My mission to "thy will be done" is still strong. Though my "thy" has had a deeper redefinition. My remember my mother's words exactly, "You're never going to learn anything about life by running away to a mountain top." Maybe, but I think I was seeing the climb as a journey. 

I've had strange dreams with me and my mother sliding down sand dunes. Recently rewatching the reboot of Dune triggered the recollection. It was strange to me that I completely missed the original growing up and the books written in late 1960s. Hollywood decided we were only Star Wars ready. This led me down a bit of a rabbit hole - a tunnel connecting to other tunnels. Connecting dots and then having those "spooky action at a distance" moments. I created this reality, which is something else my mother used to say. How Bizarre. 

How Bizarre.