Mission: Dead to the World - Engaged

 Yesterday was rough, and I did not handle situations with grace. It was another "bottoming out" moment heavily demonstrating the importance of taking care of myself. I'm not sure if my boyfriend of 20 years fully grasped all of what was going on until yesterday in the ER. We came home changed and determined. We changed my phone number and we are working on integrating a better diet and overall good health. Like everything recently, I am still processing it all. And not having to worry about my phone is one of them. 

I am sitting at my desk, door open watching the wind shake off the loose leaves. The leaves are changing and a cold snap is coming. It is beautiful. I started working on designs while listening to some favorite podcasts and YouTubers. I started laundry, made a second cup of coffee and watched out my back door. The complete and utter relief I feel from not worrying about any interaction from my phone is almost indescribable, but here it goes. A release of deep inner exhaustion that felt heavy in a fog of resentment rose up from my gut and out of my lungs, released into the air. I exhaled. 

I did it. I put forth the intent to completely controlling my interactions for self healing. The goal is to be on my terms. I am free. In my space, sipping my coffee, watching the leaves change; I am free. The self enclosed healing pod door has been shut. I am now engaged in my mission of healing. I did it. I am here. I will be changing the name of the mission however. I think I will go work on that now, along with some mapping.