Fare Thee Well, Truly
I no longer have to justify anything to anyone. In revealing my experiences and self exploration, any opinion formed, if properly explored and informed, will resolve itself. Correct? I share my feelings to reveal my experience and express this experience the best I can. That is all I ask of myself everyday. I express my experience through the art of living every day. That is how I have created my reality. I have come to the crossroad on the map. My START HERE point, once again.
I feel I was born into the process of discovering self awareness. I'm only now embarking on a journey of self healing. 100% I have been guided by something more than my awareness. Regardless of of how wildly the pendulum swings, it eventually stops and is still. I have truly postulated each swing, duality shift, or break down with the best discernment I currently contain. What does this mean? I have thought long and hard about all this shit.
On my last visit to Hot Springs, I said my goodbyes. I told my brother goodbye and he understood. I have to move on. I can't keep returning here and gathering more trauma. I am not that healed, or I am, that is what I am trying to answer for myself. I needed to go no contact and cut from damaging emotional traumas that I was allowing in my life. I needed space and distance to begin to even try to heal. The chaos is not going to stop. These last few years have proven that to me. I absolutely cannot control any chaos outside of me. I can choose to not engage with chaos, and choose healing. Every choice I was making to either engage and get injured with chaos, or to focus on what was best for my healing.
In my immediate grasp this means not ordering Cherry Coke on the grocery pickup. Am I always successful? No, I have been baking yeast rolls for comfort, and will make a lot more choices that do not support lowering my cholesterol in the present. This also means not being bullied, shamed or guilted into going against a promise I made to myself. I fulfilled my obligations. I am free to heal.