Bloody Magical

 I have two weekends under my belt of literally screaming "Bloody Mary" at people. It has been a great deal of fun. I stood in my box, surrounded by red fog and flickering candles, listening to music box sounds mingled with screams and roars. I love the vintage "Trick or Treat" sound of kids parading in costume. Those spooky moments under the full moon. As I giggled at another woman screaming all the way through the haunt, I asked myself if I was crazy for laughing. I wondered how many other characters in their spots stopped and questioned their sanity for finding this to be entertaining. 

I have been working daily to immerse myself in the seasons and appreciate the changing winds. Celebrating the days the best I could paying homage to our traditions, while recognizing we have built new ones. Halloween, and the birth of commercialism and we love it. We know our recent history and now can read about many cultural traditions around the world celebrating this time of the year. It is rich, in color, in taste, in texture, in all aspects. I tapped into that feeling last night, in between screams. 

Standing behind a mirror, watching every movement a person makes, waiting for a moment and a victim to scream is such an interesting moment. Being able to observe consensual fear. They agree they want to be scared, we agree, we will try to scare you and then we will both laugh. It is an agreement in experience, like any other form of entertainment. And it is an experience I have immersed myself in. It is therapeutic. It is socializing on agreed terms. I realized that is why I like acting there. Reflecting on needing to actually build a safe place for me to socialize has made me realize my strong need for very strong boundaries. 

I ordered some window clings to cover the windows so no one could stand and watch me. Do they? No, I occasionally see someone, but this is my trigger I have dealt with since I was little. Constantly being watched and preyed upon, never feeling safe. I didn't feel safe in my home, at school, outside, anywhere. I didn't know what outer boundaries even were. All of my toxic relationships have been formed within my lack of boundaries. And my efforts to not live an inauthentic life out of shame. The anger I have contained from decades of this does come out in very controlled screams, and it is loud. 

As I listen to the running screams of terrors and laughter, I think about each of us participating in this moment. Our experiences mingling in a controlled chaotic way. In my mind it is a poetic horror ballet. I envision all the characters twirling around with their meat grinders, nail guns and fake weapons. Shiny beautiful moments of expression, swaying in the fog and lights, embracing the moment. It is magical. It is art and that is what is so beautiful to me.

I have been creating vintage feel Halloween invitations. Halloween is not my best selling season, but I continue to build on my collection. I want to create invitations that conjure up these kinds of moments and celebrating a time, that embraces our cultural past, and is creating new traditions. When I was driving into work this weekend, I drove past fields and pastures full of hay. Blue skies and fluffy clouds were behind these hills and trees. Halloween decorations are in the yards and storefront windows. The temperatures dropped this weekend and it was nippy. Leaves on the verge of changing, moon still visible in the sky, the smell of food trucks in the air, it is magical. I want to embrace and celebrate these moments and connect to all the feelings they conjure up. In complete gratitude for being able to become aware in these magical moments of inspiration. Connecting to the deep thoughts and feelings of being In-Spirit, chasing the muses, conjuring magic - deeply connecting in each magical moment of experience creation.