Religion & Spirituality

 I was brought into world understanding in "New Age" thought. My parents were radical to many. My life had been a reflection of this whirling chaotic matter. Then, I stilled the winds, then the waters and fires. I began, once again, to question everything. Radically. Annoyingly. I recently began questioning the Tarot and many of the practices I still adhere to. My mother "read people's cards." My mother was well known for her abilities. My mother was "gifted" and so was I. I lived in that existence, until I began to question everything. 

The "unknown" has always been intertwined with my "known." As a child, when I saw incidents happen, through my "back eyes" and then the incident would unfold as I saw. These experiences were part of me. The awareness that was around me, and with what I was being taught, were in alignment. Even in that amount of chaos, I had a strong alignment that was innate. This carried me through. I actually began to feel disruptions when I was accosted by Religions. The first being Christianity. 

My decades long dance with Christianity left me feeling like I had experienced the worst narcissistic relationship possible. I have been diligently working to heal these traumas. The pendulum swung wildly between baptisms and atheism. So many "Dark Nights of the Soul." I then had to begin to question all the "new age thought" that has branded me "witchy." Well, let's start with these Tarot cards you have securely tucked away in your "witchy" wooden box. I get it. 

I have well over a gigabyte of research that I have done in this past month or so. It started when I began to pull at the threads still holding pieces of my quilt together. I started pulling the pieces a part and admiring what I loved about each one. My love for ancient history and archaeology was my favorite. It is the most intricate and sacred. I was excited again to explore. Intricate details revealed themselves further, then began to dovetail other details. The "occult" basis I possessed crashed against the strongly opposing Christian "authority." This somehow has translated into "witchy." 

How would one possibly try to fit their experiences into another's projection? Especially if that projection is contrived with invisible boundaries. I can't define this experience to the supplied definitions and perimeters. That has been a continued battle for me that rooted a great deal of resentment. Feeling ostracized was a running theme. Here is thing though, I was because I could not go against what I truly believed and fake existence. I knew this, but hadn't accepted the gifts of the experience, because I was viewing it through my lens of resentment. Even when feeling completely rational and logical, I couldn't deny the deeper. This essence I perceive as my "soul" or "higher self."

I had long ago integrated the acceptance of ancient knowledge. It was part of my foundation and understanding. It was part of my reasoning. It was when I was being forced by a mainstream to conform, that I couldn't deny my true self. That is the self that WAS ostracized. It was cast out because it was part of the greater, or else I could have conformed. And later when I tried, I was miserable. Why? Because, once again, being true to myself was most important. Being true to myself has been innate and reflected in my existence. I have been on the road to deeper authenticity for a long while now. I've been to the virtual ruins, I have downloaded the ancient texts, I have rational basis for my understanding now. That passion was ignited. 

We are living in a time of energy converging. I see it from many aspects now. We as a collective grew and are still growing in our integration. I personally am beginning to understand beyond merging of cornfields and digital waterfalls, it is existing in the integration that becomes the convergence of my current experience. Focusing on where I put my energy and thoughts. This is why it become so important for me to isolate myself. Getting to this point was a difficult process. But, the reward has been great. 

When I fully began to tap into this space I created, or viewed all the beautiful tapestry pieces, I was In-Spirit. I struggle with this space daily, balancing my guilt. Isolating the inner dialogues of fear and love. What do I love? What do I fear? And why? At what moments are the strings of my heart plucked so deeply it resounds throughout me? What thoughts limit the expansion of that vibration? Isn't this the core of the human experience? What we try to convey in terms, labels or ideas? The fundamental reason that Religion and Spirituality exist? I have accepted the integration of them both. It's the mingling vibes, colored threads, ages of experience coming together with knowledge of each other and themselves that is beautiful. 

This is my NowSpace.