Re Searching

 When I first set sail in my life, I was told about water and wind. My father has come to me in dreams, always on a boat. Parents try to equip you, the best they can for your own search. My searching started young, and led to re-searching for knowledge I thought I had. This has been ongoing. Being able to research texts through my own eyes has been the most important thing to me. Why?

I have never really trusted. I never felt supported as a child and this carried over in a big way into my adulthood. I was supported in ways I was oblivious to, however. Beautiful gifts of knowledge and freedom to choose myself. What had set me apart most of searching years, was the fact that I could not conform. I could not conform because I didn't believe I should just "do something" because "that is the way it is." My beautiful gift was freedom from this. My resentment grew because I had began to RE Search and knew what I was being told was not logical. 

I had big problems with religious institutions as a youth. Particularly institutions that taught you couldn't trust yourself and could only come through God through them. This was a racket, and I knew it. My spiritual pendulum swung wildly in my researching. It has been the core of who I am. My contemplation on this keeps bringing me back to the same place. The places that have been there from the beginning. 

Spending time reading various translations of our oldest texts has been inspiring. Why? Because they are filled with inspirational insight. I began to see how stories got distorted and how they ended up being asinine stories that make no sense, yet are "The Word of God." The interpretations and perceptions are mind boggling to me. How purpose and spirit were captured, and left in a cage, with a blanket thrown over it. There was no light. 

So, being here either means something or it doesn't. I choose to believe it does. I always have. This is why my love for ancient history and geology has always been within me. This is why connecting to something beyond me, has always been there. What IS this place? How did we arrive to this Point? What is the force behind this experience? Suddenly, 6,000 years only of civilization seems childishly laughable. Why? Through RE Searching. Re-occurring themes, repeating cycles, it's a process. A process I have always been innately aware of. Searching and researching, it excites me. Inner exploration, it excites me. Coming to know who I am, truly excites me.