Questions & Research

 I don't want to know why I am existing, I want to know how. I question WHAT this is. It's fascinating and completely understandable to why one could reach a conclusion that this is an expression of existence. Projected from where? Research and the quest for knowledge seems to be the rational solution. Here is the twist, the history for this research has been hidden from attainment to seek adequate solutions. For a few generations now, the general public has started to gain access to information not known prior. It is actually pretty obvious now that we do not fully understand WHAT is going on here. 

In the beginning, shit did not jive for me. I bore myself with all the details of my past lives. Suffice it to say, I have been on an endless quest to understand what is happening in here. I have been a knowledge seeker. What has been perplexing to me is the information I can't keep, like daily simple things. While doing some digital digging, I ran across information that started to overlap. A place where my interests had intersected: Ancient History and Spirituality. It seems to be a process that is observable, once you recognize it. 

I love learning, I always have. I absolutely loved the fall when I was young because school was starting. I couldn't wait to smell the new shaven pencils and fresh paper. Opening brand new notebooks and assigning subjects to them. I loved fall, the changing of the Seasons and Holy Days Celebrations. Sacred times to stop and pause and immerse yourself in this energy, this experience. I had dedicated time to do this and have been working on fully engaging with it. I have been researching, exploring my thoughts, organizing my life, taking the space. It has been very important for me to stay in a high vibrational state during this time, Lion's Gate. Why?

I recognize and understand energy much better after my study of this time. I became aware of the power a few Seasons back when I started creating songs in GarageBand. My creativity began to flow. I was moved In-Spirit. The following year I again worked on tapping into the energy and was moved, shifted really, into a deeper state of understanding and acceptance. This year I prepared ahead of time with the intention of "vibrating higher" during this time. I wanted to connect deeper and fully explore the ideas of energy and my experiences. It was while researching, pulling on threads that I came across some interesting knowledge. This time has been celebrated by many, for these same reasons. 

I hadn't been able to fully express why my ideas differed until now. I was brought into "New Age Think" during a time of Christianity. I also suffered trauma. This accumulated experience created difference and I could not conform, leading to feelings of being ostracized. I had a great deal of fear buried in those experiences. It led to a split of me questioning "good and evil" and recognizing duality. I am now pulling at threads that are interwoven. Fascinated, I began a look closer. I learned that Aleister Crowley had this time marked as his personal Holy Days. Why? I had never acquainted myself with Aleister Crowley much, because I was afraid. And then he became a folder of his own. 

Crowley was an Occultist. The Occult was part of negative lens that New Age was viewed through. Crowely's name repeatedly came up because he believed in Esoteric and Gnostic writings. These were guiding principles in the New Age teachings. All of the research begins to funnel down to Myths and Ancient Civilizations. This is I reconnected with my passions, my innate interests. What is civilization? 

I have always fancied myself a bit of a female Indiana Jones.