Good and Evil

 Last night we watched movies, I got to pick. I don't like violence or action or drama. Basically I like to watch documentaries. In order to compromise, we settle usually on comedy or SciFi. One movie we watched was on a time traveling cave, the other about a Utopia society built to keep people safe and happy. I realized while watching this movie, that I too have had the same thoughts of how to build a better society. I have also spent the past week completely immersed in ancient history and literature. All the wars and efforts to build a better society. We still aren't there. Why?

I realized it was useless to get to know my past through others in my past. Their view is not mine, and I realize they hardly ever noticed me. What I remember is not being allowed to watch the news or anything violent, because I cried and was unconsolable from it. As a child I was deeply pained by everything I saw around me. I had decided as a child that people shouldn't be having other people and abusing them, because they were "theirs." I dreamt of building a society where everything was built from understanding and love. One of the movies we watched last night, was built off this premise. And it failed. Why? 

I woke plagued with questions and anxious to explore why we keep failing. I had spent the last few weeks collecting some of the oldest known literature and oldest tablets we have unearthed. It has been fascinating to read a lot of the hidden esoteric works that were deliberately hidden in order to save them. Save them from what? From thoughts and history being destroyed. Each world struggling to maintain civilization and control. Where are we going wrong? Each person creates a collective. The collective should be in healthy unison, I think with love, the opposite is with fear. There it was.

I have asked myself many times why I enjoy playing Diablo. I enjoyed the original role playing games of Dungeons and Dragons. I loved the exploration of building a character and exploring maps on quests. I asked myself one day, while trying to beat an evil boss and all it's spawned minions, what if these were hugs instead of stabs? Then I remembered the day we discussed Don Quixote in my college lit class. The instructor asked, "Would you stay in El Dorado?" It was honestly only me and one other student who would. When asked why, the unanimous reply, "It would be boring."

My very difficult past has given me more experiences than at times, I thought I couldn't contain the pain of it. One of the movies we watched last night was called The Giver. I was fascinated to see how this experiment would play out twenty plus years after that question was proposed, would you stay in Utopia? Then I realized, it is the Garden of Eden, and knowledge of "good and evil" that is still at the root here. I have read many ancient texts regarding this question. We have built religions from this question. We still have not reconciled this question. 

The bigger questions have been within me from the beginning of when I began to observe "the world around me." Thankfully, I live in a moment of time that I can explore the innate questions without being burned or tortured. Tracing all the new information back to the building of the United States has left me not baffled, but confirmed. The internal battle I have been waging with myself in order to get to the point right now, has been rooted in all these things. The duality of this existence has been prevalent since I was able to become aware of it as a young child. My issue came with being told "I chose this." Why would I do that? I have since questioned the awareness that came from every situation and judged whether I needed the experience, or was being swept up in a collective experience. 

ALL is one, one is ALL. This is a repeated sentence in most of the ancient texts I have been reading this last week. I have followed the Gnostic thread from the current book on my desk, to the Egyptian Mystery Schools, and it seems beyond even that. We, as civilization here on Earth, have had many great falls. Our history may be greater than we can even fathom. I am enamored by it. I've always been on the search for it. It has been innate, it is who I am. My mother DID nurture that, because she recognized it. She recognized I was "aware." No one around us did, that is why asking them about my childhood doesn't matter. 

When you begin to try to reconcile good and evil, your thought opens up. What seemed like esoteric knowledge previously, is basic science now. The fact that we are only catching up to these ancient realizations has created a great deal of fear. We as a collective have had centuries of precious time yanked from us because of control, and fear. The dark ages were dark indeed, which brings me back around to Diablo. The anger I have towards that ideology can be expressed through a pushing of a button. I drink a potion! I Cast a spell, then back flip, strike with electric bolts from my holywood, DIE evil Demons! I then must go heal.