Voice of Truth

 I had to try to choke down and dissolve a heavy burning ball in my throat this morning. Tears broke loose as I struggled to dissolve this eruption of anger. Why is it so easy to find hate groups, large sects of people pooled together to create and participate in lower level energy. Porn groups, islands devoted to rape and terror, easy connection to all lower level things. But, try to talk to someone about working on raising a vibration and no one has time or the energy. I felt diminished in my goals and dreams. The return of the anger became a lump in my throat. That familiar suppression of me speaking my truth. I solace myself that I don't have to engage and can work on my energy and betterment without the support. Yesterday, I came to the understanding that the greatest part of me is the part I have been hiding the most. Because it has been the part that has been attacked the most, my innate belief system.

The mysticism and Gnosticism I was brought up with has been something I learned to hide. It first came with being called  "a witch" and later, mentally ill. As we have progressed in our knowledge and more people began to study and become aware, my resentment for how I have been treated has been difficult to overcome. The difficulty and struggle has brought me discernment and a balanced viewpoint to observe the situation entirely eventually, after working through my reactionary states. It has been a major stumbling block for me. The anger in my throat this morning demonstrated still, my unhealed areas. I felt the burning so deep that I could taste the acidic putrid. "It's fine, you can isolate and control where your energy goes" I reassure myself. I remind myself of this being one of the reasons I wanted to create a "save yourself" series. But, how do we do that? I know longer care if people believe in me or not. I'm asking those around me to believe in yourself. How about I raise my vibration enough that it affects without words?

I recognize now that I have already been doing that or was born with that. The reaction and abuse I have felt has been in a direct correlation to that very spark. When I was young, bearing the torch had lesser consequences, because the truth I carried within me was brighter than the outside. It is what got me through. That answer to "How did you know that?" It was as I got older and being ostracized and labeled as crazy is what shut me, my light down. I still face that opposition today. That is the burning lump in my throat, believe in the outside, or believe what is within. "To thine ownself be true" has been battlecry. The dark forces crave unauthentic self, the light wants to shine. All it takes is a flicker, a spark - out of the darkness, there is only light now. I require isolation because there aren't accessible energy points as easy to tap into as all the negative ones. If I wanted to find a low level connection based in, all I  have to do is open up a social media app on my phone. There are boundless groups just waiting to indoctrinate into a hate and devising group. I don't want those connections. If I did, I wouldn't be fucking isolating now would I? 

Exploring the chocking sensation in my throat this morning brought about the awareness of a stifled voice that has been continuously reprimanded, to just told it is "too much." I only silence myself now that I am aware. I have purposely positioned myself to have a stage to express my voice, on my terms. I can't loose site in what I have created and expressed and experienced. Your hate groups be damned. 

As I have become more aware of my inner voice and truths, the More has been revealed. I feel such a freedom in being able to explore and having my experience of this reality unfold all around me, flowering out, encompassing the all. I'd much rather be here than there. Thank you.