Okay, okay, I am getting off my ass and doing this. I am writing again, and going to try to hold myself accountable and moving forward with my YouTube channel.
Many times over in my life, I have stated, "I have never felt happiness to the depths of which I have felt sorrow." And that is a deep, cold hurt to carry over time. The insanity of it however, is that a switch was flipped at a pivotal point. Synchronicity, free will and sacred contracts started this bizarre dance. This year, the worst in history, has been THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE. And I have been terrified to say it. Yes, bad things have happened and are still happening. We could lose everything. The chances of me dying are the highest they have ever been. Yet, within all this chaos, I found peace. I felt release. And I have honestly been afraid to reveal that for fear that the bitter would sabotage it. I had dealt with so many people lashing out at me, punishing me, abusing me, manipulating me, that I just basically got "turned off" by humans. By March I was so cynical of mankind I actually thought briefly, we all deserve this for what we have done to the animals and this planet.
When I started using cannabis medicinally, it changed my life. I felt pure joy for the first time in my life. All the background noise, voices and worries fall away and I communicate directly with spirit. And I get the downloads easier and quicker. It has been amazing. Days I have sat outside, sleeping under trees, meditating, laughing and feeling genuine joy has been so foreign to me have such a trauma filled life. But, yesterday I gained a very deep understanding about laughter and pure joy.
Laughter is PURE joy. I believe if we all laughed at the same time all around the world, would it raise the world vibration so high it would shake the moon. I started thinking about laughter, and joy and where it comes from. And it comes from different places for different people. I am a bit odd so I have a dark sense of humor. I am hard to take seriously often because I am such a joker, such a comedian. And I realized in that moment that many comedians come from very dark backgrounds. We return, again, to the question of adversity bringing awareness and consciousness. Another time for that conversation, however. My main thought about comedians and why they seek to make others laugh. We want that for the world. We have been in the darkest of places. And I thought about prayer, and how often when we pray, it is riddles in fear. Then I realized something even greater.
It's one of those things that you don't get until you "get." The evolving phrases we hear over and over in our lives, but say them from habit. We repeat what we are taught. But, prayer is asking for stating the problem, meditation is receiving the answer. I never "got it" until that moment. My big aha!
Abused and traumatized people have a lot to overcome. And so much dictates the early circumstances. Once awareness comes, typically we all go down the self growth path. We tried religion (every religion) and move through this journey of awareness. Yesterday, my aha moment and prayer it was riddled in fear, and if not followed up by meditation - to speak today's tongue -I felt that shit. But laughter, that is pure joy. And that is what we want for the world. How we have learned to navigate through life. Laughter is the best medicine. And you don't get such a simple phrase until you get it. And I get it now.
And those of us that "know", know this; once a realization has come, we will manifest a circumstance to test it. And that thought scared me. Because spiritual journeys are not for the weak. Just so you know.
*My disclaimer: these are my notes, they will be edited at a later date. You are privy to my personal journal going forward.