Saturday, July 18, 2020

Cleaning out Closets

I have been working for some time now to get my website up and running and producing content for it. I've been creating so much content, that digitally on my gadgets, I was out of room. So, I just started deleting files. Very similar to how you just start grabbing old clothes out of the closet to donate them. Telling yourself not to think about it. Then in a flash, I realized what I had done.

I realized I had just deleted a ton of footage, media and pics I had been shooting for months. Content that I shouldn't have deleted. And first, it was pure panic. Heart dropping, stomach turning panic. Then, a weird kind of relief came over me. I stopped, watching everything before my eyes, digitally being wiped away. And in that moment I had a thought. I wondered if any single vibration of fear like this should would give any person a pause for thought. Something so bizarre to experience in our lifetimes, like none of our ancestors. Now this deserves deep inner exploration. And I did. I sat and thought and then channeled a poet or something. 

For it is there, in that space, that the unknown resides, and that the question has no answer. Destiny has not be chosen and it is that very moment when it comes. The deepest understanding of free will. And what consequence is. You see a flash of their passionate dance. Much like obligation flirts constantly with passion.

I sat in deep thought for a while after this. Over analzying myself. I felt oddly relieved I realized. It were as if the past were weighing me down. Like a tattered blanket with ripped, loose ends, tangled in roots and gnarled wood.  I needed to sever these vines and restraints I was enssnared in. It was a blanket of comfort, destroyed by an imagine illusion. The burdens of unfinished projects, lingering, constantly reminding me - all gone. Into absolute complete nothingness. Ghosts, begrudgingly saged from the darkest corners of your house, your mind. 

And finally, the realization that you just have to start all over. But, how strange. How quickly I had moved into immediate acceptance revealed a great deal to me. It revealed itself and then proved its lack of deep connection. It was that horrible thought that passes through everyone's mind. If you were to loose it all, would you be terrified or liberated?